Emotional Roller Coaster

Today Mr. T and I went to meet his preschool teacher. She is really nice and seems fun, organized, and caring. I think it's going to be a great year. We managed to get through the whole experience without either of us shedding a single tear.

As we drove away, I was flooded with so many emotions. A very small part of me is excited about having some time to myself twice a week. I have a LONG list of things I want to do. A bigger part of me is excited about the changes ahead. I can't wait to see how Mr. T will change and grow. I feel so blessed to be the mother of such a little bit of sunshine. But the biggest part of me wants to lock the doors, close the window shades, have everyone hide in the basement, and refuse to let anything change. I am perfectly fine with leaving things the way they are today.

I was thinking about how 7 years, 4 months, and 6 days ago, Miss A came into this world. I was totally unprepared for the changes that were about to happen. I was so worried and selfish. I felt like my life had come to an end. Here's the thing, I was right; that life was over. The part I did not know was that life now is so much better. I have been blessed beyond words. I have 2 wonderful children, a wonderful hubby, and a wonderful God who loves me more than words could describe. I had no idea that these years at home would fly by so fast. I had no idea. I look forward to the future with a hope because I never would have imagined 7 years ago that I'd be at this place today. My life is more full, more happy, more peaceful than it's ever been before. I would not go back for any amount in the world.

Recently, God has been challenging me to give Him my all. To stop being selfish and to surrender it all. Not only in word and deed but also in attitude. To surrender not only to Him but to all in authority over me. I really baulked at this. No way. How will I survive if I give all? There won't be anything left. But, to keep the peace, I decided to give it a try. I have been daily giving myself to God and to anyone else he asks me to obey. Here's the crazy thing. I didn't disappear. I became more. For the first time in maybe 7 years, I felt totally at peace taking an afternoon off. A friend gave me a gift card to get my nails done, and another friend invited my son over for a play date. They had no idea that God wanted to give me the day off to show me that when I surrender to him totally, He gives me more than I had. He is enough. He wants to bless my socks off if I'll just let him. Who knew that when God says "I am enough" he really means it. He is enough.

Here are the verses he has given me for my kids school year. They may seem odd, but they speak to me.

Isaiah 51: 12-16
12 "I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass,
13 that you forget the Lord your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction? For where is the wrath of the oppressor?
14 The cowering prisoners will soon be set free; they will not die in the dungeon, nor will they lack bread.
15 For I am the Lord you God, who churns up the sea so that its waves roar--the Lord Almighty is his name.
16 I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand -- I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, "You are my people."

We serve a strong God and He is surely going to watch over my children. He is my God and I refuse to live in terror of what might or might not happen. I trust in the God who makes the waves roar. The Lord Almighty is his name.